Between Activism and Constipation: why maintain a dialogue with zealous idealogues?
January 23, 2007
So yesterday a good friend asked me a very important question: “why do you bother?”
The question was in regards to a series of posts I made in a public forum. The forum, which was loosely discussing Canadian politics, was very much dominated by a vocal minority of what I like to describe as postmodern conservatives.
What are postmodern conservatives? Well, what I mean by pomo-cons (as I affectionately refer to them) is a relatively quick growing segment of the 20-30 somethings educated population that have married basic critical thinking skills they acquired in university or college, a post modern critique of hope and optimism, and a petty bourgeois retreat to fiscal and political conservatism. The result is a group of young, relatively intelligent, ardent conservatives eager to point out the folly of civic engagement and touting a neo-con agenda dressed up in quixotic intellectualism, enter the pomo-cons.
Now lets pause for a moment. While I am probably describable as a ‘lefty,’ this is not about being against conservatives. Despite not usually seeing eye to eye with many on the political and social right, I do listen and respect those who are willing to discuss their ideas and beliefs. Even here in the close nit family of Beats Entropy, we do not all share the same political visions. I do not begrudge people the right to hold to what political and social values they choose, provided they (and I) remain open to a meaningful dialogue through which either or both views may change.
My first top 8 mistakes of 2007
January 18, 2007
8. The expression ‘if first you don’t succeed, try, try again’ should not be universally applied, this is especially true when trying to use a sexually charged metaphore with a coworker and not come off as creepy.
7. Nine out of ten is a great score in almost every context. However, one exception is when attempting to remember a dinner guest’s violent allergies while cooking the evening’s meal. Also, as a point of information, it takes approximately 27 seconds for a person’s throat to close after said person, who is allergic to peanuts, ingests a spoon of “hot n’ spicy Thai beef surprise’ – when the ‘surprise’ is a peanut filling.
6. No amount of explaining can mitigate the negative impact of certain situations. A mayonnaise stain on the crotch of one’s pants is one such situation.
5. Somewhat counter intuitively, Dora the Explorer Ice cream contains chunks of neither Spanish underage girls, nor monkeys. Additionally, complaints about this gross misrepresentation in advertising are not met sympathetically by grocery store managers, especially if they have children, and those children are female, and those female children are of Latin decent, and those Latin female children have pet monkeys.
On Bottled Water: a polemic
January 4, 2007
There are very few things in this world that illustrate the simultaneous absurd and heinous nature of late modern capitalism as well as the bottled water industry. Now, before you run off, hear me out. This is not some guilt producing tirade aimed at making you give up some petty luxury in order to forward some neo-hippy abstract philosophy.
This isn’t even strictly about the environment (that place we all depend on for existence, and from whence most of our stuff comes), this is about being fucked (in a bad non-consensual great uncle Metaphoric sort of way), and you sure as shit don’t need to be a radical tree hugger to get incensed about being molested.
I know what you’re thinking, how can he start by making wild comparisons between bottled water and sexual abuse? Well let me show you.
The basic business model for bottled water is as follows:
Produce plastic bottles as cheaply as possible, typically using neither a sustainable nor environmentally responsible production model. Fill empty bottles with tap water, sometimes filtered, sometimes not. Sell bottled water at exorbitant prices.
Essentially what happens is that companies like Pepsi or Coca-Cola take water that you pay for with your taxes, filter it (or not), then sell it back to you at approximately 200% the average cost per liter of gasoline.
However the fun does not end here.
Down, but not Out
January 2, 2007
This is just a quick note to let all our loyal fans know that Passive Depressive will be a bit slow to its feet this week. We can neither confirm nor deny accusations that certain members of the PD team were arrested for the huffing of paint and for aggravated ‘frottage’ with a parking meter on New Years Eve, but we can promise that parts 3 & 4 of the Passive Depressive Holiday Special will be up on Friday and Monday respectively.
For those of you who allowed friends, family or holiday Yule log binges to keep you away from your regular sad blog addicted routines, you can check out the first two parts of our seasonal opus (originally posted last week) here and here.
Good day not to be a bug
December 21, 2006
I stumbled across this educational clip about a very interesting type of fungus…
Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made: Holiday Edition
December 7, 2006
8. Buying, wrapping and putting away holiday gifts well ahead of time is a great way to reduce stress on the holidays, except when giving pets.
7. Holiday season starts promptly on December 1st. Going grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon in December is therefore NEVER a good idea.
6. No matter how much your loved one might need this, some gifts are better left ungiven.
Besides, the ladies see right through this sham …. err … or so I’ve been told.
Mail Bag Day – The Return
December 4, 2006
Some Blogs pride themselves on timely content updates, dedicated contributors, and some degree of continuity in their posts. Obviously, we here a Beats Entropy admire those qualities, however, none of us possess the requisite skills, morals, or gumption to act on these points.
Heck, most of us consider it a good day with we overcome our lethargy enough to put trousers on before we go to work.
That having been said, it has come to our attention that Dr. Entropic has dropped the ball on letter day, and despite the almost non-existent hierarchical structure that exists here at BE, the rest of us have unanimously voted to take over Letter Day until Dr. Entropic gets a handle on his little ‘problem.’
So, without further ado, we bring you the return of letter day.
Non-Consensual Assisted Parkour
November 28, 2006
It’s the latest viral trend to jump up and capture the urban hipster community. From Prague to Lima, from New York City to Moscow, non-consensual assisted parkour is the latest and greatest in underground fads.
Based on the already overexposed and stylistically stale parkour craze, non-consensual assisted parkour is an edgy new pastime that combines traditional urban callisthenics with a new postmodern approach to voluntarism and participation. Where as traditional parkour participants transformed their mundane urban contexts into fantastical landscapes through fast paced gymnastics, non-consensual assisted parkour pushes the boundaries by implicating otherwise passive observers.
Free Hugs
November 18, 2006
From the department of hope and optimism here at Beats Entropy.
Yet another set of the Top 8 Mistakes I’ve Recently Made
November 9, 2006
8. The International Joint Commission of Canada does not do exactly what one might guess they do from the name. Consequently, showing up to an interdepartmental meeting with pizza and a copy of Harold and Kumar is not necessarily as strong an idea as it would otherwise be.
7. While technically not illegal, doing lines of powdered sugar off the edge of your desk to get through the mid afternoon may well be misinterpreted, and can lead to reasonable to serious misunderstandings.
6. Not withstanding the fact that factual accuracy is a legal defense against claims of libel and slander, it is considered poor office etiquette to comment on the proficiency (or lack there of) of one’s colleagues.
Also, the phrase “useless as tits on a bull in spring” is actually quite difficult to prove in terms of factual accuracy.
Defying Description - As only the Japanese Can
November 4, 2006
The following is an instructional video for young japanese women thinking of heading out into that cold and dangerous world replete with white devils.
It’s a little something I like to call E-ESL, Emergency English as a Second Language.
You may laugh, but I eargerly await for the Japanese to overthrow our petty ‘wus’ cultures and take us over with their hardcore version.
Top 8 (more) mistakes I have recently made
October 24, 2006
8. There is a thin line between being right, and being an arrogant bastard. Doing the “fuck you, I was right and you were wrong” dance, despite one’s best intentions, is more often associated with the latter.
7. Sexual touching is rarely taken as flattery, this is especially true when breasts or groins are grabbed while simultaneously making ‘honk honk’ noises.
6. Not everyone plays violent video games, nor is everyone familiar with violent video game “speak.” As such, replying to the question “what did you do last night” with the response “I got a record number of kills with my heavy machine gun, which is pretty impressive because I’m more of a headshot with the sniper rifle kind of guy” may lead to some misunderstandings.
5. Putting 25 mints in your mouth at once is rarely a good idea. Putting 25 caffeinated mints in your mouth at the same time is really really really not a good idea.
4. It can be challenging to recover from accidentally blurting out “what are you retarded or something?” during one of your supervisors presentations. Even the old stand by “Oh, I was just joshing ya” does not always work.
3. In the culture of the public service, “wuz up my niggas” is not considered an appropriate or cordial greeting.
2. Somewhat counter intuitively, stopping on a busy staircase to take a call on a cell phone or check email on a Blackberry does not, legally speaking, constitute consent to be pushed down said staircase and trampled.
1. Regardless of how far up his or her own ass a manager’s head may be, goggles and a roll of toilet paper are not, generally speaking, acceptable replacements in lieu of poorly conceived deliverables.
Previously: Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made
Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made
October 6, 2006
8. Microsoft does not own a substantial amount of Apple stock. As a result, the metaphor I employed in which I described using a Mac as having sexual intercourse with Steve Jobs and Bill Gates was factually deficient. I have since amended my position to liken using a Mac to having sexual intercourse with Steve Jobs, while dirty Billy mostly watches, but occasionally gives a little poke here and there.
7. Stewartship is not the same as stewardship. In fact, it is not a real word. As a result the nice people in the Government now suspect York University may not be the temple of higher learning they formally believed it was.
6. As it turns out, and contrary to much advertising, this product:
is not part of healthy balanced breakfast.
Seven Deadly Virtues: Part I
October 5, 2006
While nowhere, strictly speaking, written in the form of a list; the commonly accepted seven deadly sins of the Christian faith are: Superbia (pride), Avaritia (avarice), Luxuria (extravagance or lust), Invidia (envy), Gula (gluttony), Ira (wrath), and Aceda (sloth).
These deadly sins, named ‘deadly’ because they are said to ‘kill’ a life of grace unless absolved through confession, exist in opposition to the (significantly less talked about) seven holy virtues of virtus (chastity or purity), liberalitas (liberality), frenum (abstinence or moderation), industria (diligence), patientia (patience), humanitas (kindness or satisfaction), and humilitas (humility).
Now I am by no means a religious man. At best I am a bad non-practicing jew (love that bacon) and at worst, if true the words of the kid who sat in front of me at the Catholic summer school I once attended, I’m going straight to hell. However, it seems to me that the deadly sins and holy virtues, if they are to reflect the values of modernity, need to be re-examined.
On Freedom
September 13, 2006
Freedom.
So thick is the mucus of propaganda around this word, that I feel the need to brush my teeth after using it.
It is simultaneously one of the most beloved and universal human values across the globe (though understood in various ways), and an alter to which so much is sacrificed.
But what is it, this freedom? Read the rest of this entry »
