Genetic Outrage
May 14, 2009
Did you read this: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/05/13/genes.patent.myriad/index.html
They are patenting pure human genes, so if anyone develops medical treatments direct at them the corporation has to given their permission first (and wet their beak on any future profits). What the fuck. Where does rank on your outrage scale?
Ethan Morrow,
Former citizen of the Democratic Republic of the United States of America
***
Damn, that is a bigger slap in the face than actually being slapped in the face. The idea that the fundament of our being is property is offensive enough, but that the motivation for making it property is to ensure people can’t treat disease for free: that takes a special kind of shamelessness. It is getting to the point where they will patent the Hard-On and I’ll have to sleep with an elastic band around my junk to keep my morning wood from driving me to financial ruin.
Bristles; Chapter 2: Part 1
May 7, 2009
(Continued in Chapter 2: PART 2 and PART 3 and PART 4 and PART 5 )
It was ten past midnight and Danny had been digging for hours. His hands were blistered and raw; his worm bucket full and writhing.
“Now, Curl! Now” the Hedgehog screamed.
Danny flung down his shovel and pulled himself into as tight a ball as the small trench would allow. Loam and beetles filled his nostrils. The Hedgehog marched about the edge of the trench, a shadowy mole hill in the darkness, tutting and poking at Danny’s exposed neck and stomach with a stick.
“If I were a fox you’d be dead right now. You call that a ball….it’s barely a crouch! And where are your quills?”
Danny patted at the bare patch on his shirt where the pine needles had fallen out. Not for the first time he questioned the efficacy of the Hedgehogs self improvement regime.
Bristles : Chapter 1; Part 5
May 5, 2009
(See PART 1 and PART 2 and PART 3 and PART 4 for the beginning of the story. )
The Hedgehog moved about the kitchenette with a foragers efficiency: grounds and filters were pulled from the backs of cupboards and combined with a dexterity that belied his forest roots; water was added to the reservoir cup by cup. Danny sat numbly in his single chair wondering where the fuck the Hedgehog had learned to make coffee. The Hedgehog pushed two cups across the table towards him.
So here’s the deal
May 5, 2009
You know the new job I got a while back to replace the old one that I got laid of from: well I got laid off from that one too; Tough economic times and all that. My first proper job lasted eight years, my second 5 months. I don’t want to draw too strong a conclusion from such a limited sample size, but a pattern is emerging. The corporate world and I are no longer compatible. We gave it good try, the kids are grown, and the magic vanished long ago: it’s time to move on.
Bristles : Chapter 1; Part 4
April 28, 2009
(See PART 1 and PART 2 and PART 3 for the beginning of the story.Continued in PART 5 )
Danny awoke restrained. His arms were tied behind his back, his ankles to separate legs of the coffee table. He was unsure where the hedgehog had gotten the twine. Metaphorical cotton filled his mouth; a numb fog filled his brain, dulling his panic to flat curiosity. The hedgehog was lounging in a hooded sweater Danny was sure he’d lost two years before. He needed answers.
“What are you” Danny asked.
“A concerned denizen” said the hedgehog.
Danny didn’t know what denizen meant.
“Is that some kind of Hedgehog” asked Danny.
So I fought this albino once (a shameful true story)
April 26, 2009
.
There was an albino in my high school: he had two holes in his heart and severe allergies to wheat and cotton. Despite that being (in my inexpert medical opinion) two holes too many, the heart thing was never an issue. The allergies, however, were a deep source of conflict between us. You see what Colin lacked in pigment, he made up for in belligerence. And I (possibly to my discredit) enjoy riling brittle people.
Bristles : Chapter 1;Part 3
April 21, 2009
(See PART 1 and PART 2 for the beginning of story. Continued in PART 4 )
Danny knelt, staring at the door, trying to make sense of the psychotic break he had clearly undergone. He considered the appropriateness of screaming. It seemed a little forced. He was unsettled, certainly, but more deeply uncomfortable than terrified. He let out a short, experimental,
“ahhhhhhhhhhh?”
Too much time had gone by; he felt stupid enough he tried to pass it off as a yawn. His nausea bubbled up again mid way through, splattering puke against his door. The Hedgehog dove behind a ruptured throw pillow to avoid the backsplash.
Letter Day 214: Pepito’s folly
April 15, 2009
I was looking at the pictures section and trying to decide just how metro you are. I see a fair amount of shaved chest and pouty face, but you have these terribly bushy eyebrows and reported tufts of shoulder hair. Just how rigorous is your grooming routine?
Sarah H.
Bit of a mixed bag really, Sarah. I’m starting from an odd place esthetically: I’m both uncommonly handsome, and uncommonly hairy. While the two are not entirely at mutual opposition, if left unchecked the hairiness leaves me looking like a down on his luck chimpanzee Hugo Boss model (with oddly small teeth). Read the rest of this entry »
Bristles : Chapter 1;Part 2
April 8, 2009
(See PART 1 for the beginning of story. Continued in PART 3)
In Danny’s dream he had wrapped his brain in a dry-cleaning bag, and was attempting to drown it in the bathtub. The Shampoo bottle pulled at his hands, pleading with him to show mercy. The Conditioner egged him on in its maniacal silky voice.
“All the way down, Danny. Who’s the liar now?”
His brain clawed defiantly at the plastic, shrieking racial epithets that only vaguely applied. Danny slammed his brain repeatedly off the side of the tub to quiet it.
Ask B.E: Animal Intern
April 6, 2009
If you had to hire some sort of animal to run your company (you know, for tax reasons) what sort of animal would you chose? And don’t say Beaver: work ethic aside, we know the kind of havoc those filthy mudpounders bring.
Peobo,
Nowheresville
Surprisingly good question, Peobo: while I don’t currently have a company, I am in the market for a cheap bachelor intern. Someone to scrub my Kraft dinner pots, spot me on the bench, and proof read my angry letters to celebrities. These activities are not solely the province of man, but not all beasts can handle the heat. I could write a masters thesis on the relative merits of each species, but in the interest of brevity, I’ll do a light dusting in chart form.
An odd, true, non sequitur
March 27, 2009
I was in a grocery store yesterday. One of those stunted downtown locations with poor selection and busted prices. I wanted five things and felt put upon by the rival customers impeding me. The meandering of purposeless shoppers grates on my teeth: they were like a flock or retarded seagulls at the dump.
Bristles : Chapter 1:Part 1
March 19, 2009
CONTINUED IN PART 2 and PART 3 and PART 4
Danny was tired. This was not a condition of the moment, rather an institutional policy; a prolonged, preemptive, surrender. He began inauspiciously: his mother claiming him an accident; his father, a deliberate act of spite. He was a bruise, a bad riff, an off hand remark that lingered. He had been inflicted more than born, and found the whole thing exhausting. Until today that was the whole of his story. Read the rest of this entry »
Secondhand Victims
March 11, 2009
I barebacked the internet and got burnt
March 2, 2009
I’ve historically relied more on providence than protection to safeguard my computer; trusting in the innate goodwill of Latvian movie pirates and Russian pornographers …such was the bounty they brought. There was no legitimate reason that I didn’t use some free anti-virus software, save the thrill of raw information pulsing through my computer, the filthy heat of foreign code. Also: someone likely once advised me it was foolish to do otherwise, forcing me to embrace the contrary position as a point of pride.
Isaac and The Leopard: The conclusion
February 26, 2009
(Continued from Part 1 PART 2 and PART 3 )
Weeds tore away in brutish separation, Isaac’s lunge ripping them from body and root. The water seemed to recede as much as Isaac rose; the world falling out from under his leap. Alarmed, the Leopard sought the air; Isaac reached and reached, forcing the meat of palm into the Leopards path, his long fingers closed shut around it .The world returned with force, sending the tree stump hard into Isaac’s stretched and open ribs. The branches pulled long strips from his side, the impact splintering his breath painfully throughout his chest. Isaac gasped and clung to the Leopard as both tumbled into the murky water.
The pond’s chorus returned; a spray of birds and grasshoppers taking flight punctuated the rising keen. Isaac was too focused on his prize to note the change in song. The alarm.
