Beats Entropy

See :Chapter 2 PART 1 and for start of  this chapter, Continued in PART 3 and PART  4 and PART  5 )

Aching, Danny could barely bend low enough to remove his mud-caked shoes. Thick ropes of pain bunched his lower back and fixed his hands into useless claws. Thin red welts laced his neck and ears. Danny had lived a life of long nights and this  had been one of the longest. The Hedgehog chattered uselessly beside him.

“Don’t throw the Quill sweater away; we’re going to need it for your burrowing drills tomorrow”.

Danny tossed the sweater into the corner beside his shovel. He debated dumping the bucket full of worms into the garbage disposal, before swallowing his rebellion and placing it on the bottom shelf of the fridge. It wasn’t worth his bathroom being filled with bees again. The Hedgehog scampered up onto the counter and began washing itself in the sink. Danny shot it a long glare. The Hedgehog locked eyes with him.

“This ain’t a peepshow, Creepshow; why don’t you put your heavy breathing to good use and order us some Chinese food. And no Almond cookies, they taste like drywall”.

Danny continued to glare at the Hedgehog. The Hedgehog began exaggeratedly drying his balls with Danny’s favorite tea towel.

“You got something on your mind princess?” asked the Hedgehog.

“You’re just jerking me around; you said you’d help me and all we do is dig holes in the woods and practice crawling and balling and catching worms. This is not what was missing from my life” said Danny, furious.

The Hedgehog flossed his crotch with the tea towel one last time, and then paced about on the counter.

“See, you don’t understand process; representative struggle.”

The Hedgehog noted the rapid glazing of Danny’s eyes.

“Let me put it this way: did you ever see Karate Kid?”

Danny shook his head.

“No”.

The Hedgehog’s quills raised in outrage.

“How have you not seen that movie? It was huge when you were a kid and it’s on cable like nine times a day. There are sickening holes in your popculture awareness”.

Danny slouched defensively.

“I don’t know…I didn’t have a T.V. when I was growing up. How the fuck have you seen it…you’re a goddamn Hedgehog?”

“Yeah, I am…so I have a lot of free time on my hands” said the Hedgehog.

Danny could feel the dodge inherent in the answer; this willful evasion that was worth pursing…or that would have been had a huge Panda not pressed its nose up against his kitchen window.

“What hell is that” asked Danny.

The Hedgehog looked absently about the kitchen.

“What’s what?”

Danny placed his hand on the Hedgehog’s back and turned it towards the window.

“The huge fucking panda staring in my window”.

The Panda closed its right eye and pressed its left one flush against the window. The Hedgehog shrugged.

“Probably some escaped zoo panda. Just ignore it, it’ll go away”.

Danny stuck his head in the freezer and took several long breaths.

“So you don’t know anything about this panda that suddenly showed up at my house” said Danny.

“Nope” said the Hedgehog.

“Even though he’s holding a piece of cardboard with my address on it?”

The Panda was indeed holding a piece of tattered cardboard with Danny’s address and apartment number scrawled upon it awkwardly between his paws.

“What am I, a game warden? I can’t be held responsible for every stray fucking marsupial in the city.”

The Panda flipped over its piece of cardboard. There was a crudely drawn hedgehog on the back of it.

The Hedgehog’s pacing picked up speed, his quills flaring in time to his step.

“That doesn’t mean anything…it barely even looks like a hedgehog. He could be looking for some possum for all we know”.

The Panda’s head dipped below window level. Danny’s phone rang.

“Don’t answer that” screamed the Hedgehog. “I’m expecting a call”

Danny raced the Hedgehog across the room, barking his shins off the coffee table, but reaching the phone first.

“Hello” Danny answered.

Muffled chewing sounds emitted from the receiver. Danny played goalie in front of the phone jack, warding off the Hedgehog with well timed boots to its head, and receiving several toe punctures in return. The chewing sounds took on a more accusatory tone.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying” said Danny.

The Panda’s head reappeared in the window.  It raised one huge paw and tapped the first part of shave and a hair cut against the glass. Danny moved towards the door.

“NO! Don’t let him in…he’s crazy. I heard he killed a man in Beijing with a souvenir umbrella.”

“I thought you didn’t know him” said Danny, unlocking and opening the kitchen door.

The Hedgehog swore in vitriolic rodent; all snarl and gristle.

The Panda nodded politely, wiped each paw carefully against the mat, and then entered Danny’s kitchen and life.

***

Continued in Part 3

See chapter 1 for the beginning of the story:  PART 1 and  PART 2 and PART 3 and PART 4 and PART 5