Bristles : Chapter 1; Part 5
May 5, 2009
(See PART 1 and PART 2 and PART 3 and PART 4 for the beginning of the story. )
The Hedgehog moved about the kitchenette with a foragers efficiency: grounds and filters were pulled from the backs of cupboards and combined with a dexterity that belied his forest roots; water was added to the reservoir cup by cup. Danny sat numbly in his single chair wondering where the fuck the Hedgehog had learned to make coffee. The Hedgehog pushed two cups across the table towards him.
“You’re going to have to pour, it’s a might heavy. And give me a splash while you’re at it”.
Danny obliged, filling his own and giving the Hedgehog a half cup. They both declined sugar and milk, drinking it black in silence. Danny bounced a question around his head for three cups and a few false starts.
“Do you have a name?” asked Danny.
“No. I’m a hedgehog: we know who each other are”.
“I need to call you something” said Danny.
The Hedgehog squinted suspiciously.
“What…why? Just start talking; there are only two of us here, I’ll figure it out.”
Danny absorbed the reply but it wouldn’t settle.
“I don’t know… it seems weird; I should know who you are.” said Danny.
“What…you worried you’re going to confuse me with all of your other hedgehog friends? Don’t invent problems, chief. We’ve got enough to deal with as it is.”
The Hedgehogs rebuke brought Danny back to the beginning; what was going here?
“I don’t understand any of this.”
The Hedgehog raised a bristly eyebrow.
“How so?”
Danny gathered up all of his questions: concision wasn’t his strong point, but he suspected the hedgehog wasn’t game for a scattershot interrogation.
“What are you…what’s going on here…how, how can this be happening?”
The hedgehog took a long pull from his coffee. For several minutes he seemed to ignore the question, then, with the magnanimity of the freshly caffeinated, he answered at length.
“Kid, you are trying to fit a round peg into a crossword puzzle: it’s a different sort of thing; the answers you want…you’ve got no place to put them. Still, you obviously need something you can wrap your head around, so I’ll give you the Lego version of the lowdown.
- I am a very special hedgehog. I can do things other hedgehogs cannot, I can’t explain it, so you are just going to have to roll with it.
- Circumstances outside my control necessitate I help you get your shit together. It’s an impulse on my part that I don’t really understand either, so take it or leave it, I don’t give a fuck.
- And this is happening because it’s fucking happening, you want me to explain the order of the universe you are shit out of luck; you want to deny it, that’s your prerogative…but it’s just going to piss me off and make your life that much more miserable.
Beyond that there is nothing more to say on the matter. So don’t ask, or I’ll start chewing bald patches into your hair while you sleep.”
Danny sat long enough the coffee went cold. The Hedgehogs answer had an intuitive rightness to it, but Danny had long lost touch with his intuition. Even still, Danny understood it was the only answer he was going to get, and if he had one talent it was enduring uncomfortable situations until he could not. He decided to roll with it.
End of chapter 1.
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 2
May 5, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I’m sure you’ll note the lack of a proper ending. This will likely be novella sized so I’m going to break it into chapters. I realize this may strain the attention span somewhat, but I’d rather an unread piece that was true to the story in my head, then a bit sized bastardization.
Besides which: I’m trying to build up to writing longer stories, and this is much needed practice.
Your patience in this matter is appreciated.
May 5, 2009 at 4:04 pm
This remains one of my favorites, very nice.
One suggestion (of course to be taken or left with no ill feelings on my part)
For some reason the line:
“They both declined sugar and milk, drinking it black in silence.”
feels like it should read:
“They both declined sugar and milk, drinking it in black silence.”
can’t explain it, just how I felt reading it.
looking forward to the next installment.
May 5, 2009 at 4:21 pm
““They both declined sugar and milk, drinking it in black silence.”””
Then it is implying black silence, as opposed to black coffee drank in silence. I may need to add a comma though, for clarity. I’ll mull it over. As always the input is appreciated.
May 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I really like this hedgehog.
May 5, 2009 at 11:54 pm
“What…you worried you’re going to confuse me with all of your other hedgehog friends?”
Could be my mood (i.e. punchy as hell) but this cracked me up… I can just hear it… Dry as dry can be… Sardonic beyond reason…
I’m pleased as punch that this will continue. I was wondering how it was going to wrap up in your usual four or five parts – couldn’t see how unless either man or hedgehog perished dramatically somehow…
If I have any little thing to comment on at this point it’s the fact that both of the hilarious hedgehog lines (the “there are only two of us…” and the one I’ve already copied here) BOTH begin with “what…” and I’m wondering if it might serve to indicate some sort of subtle escalation of the hedgehog’s irritation…
I mean, this hedgehog is well-established as short-tempered and impatient and has now been asked for his name more than once by someone who already tries that patience… I might consider starting the “hedgehog friend” line with something more like “Seriously.” or just let quills ripple in irritation and move right in with “You worried you’re going to confuse me… etc.” I don’t know if that makes any sense… And it is probably wiser to ignore given the aforementioned punchy as hell mood…
Love this piece so far, Valliant. Really.
May 6, 2009 at 12:40 am
“I’ll give you the Lego version of the lowdown.”
I love how the hedgehog speaks like a cranky hipster from a hard boiled detective novel.
May 6, 2009 at 12:46 am
“I really like this hedgehog.”
We’ll see how that holds up through the next few parts. He’s clever, but not without serious fault.
May 6, 2009 at 12:48 am
“I love how the hedgehog speaks like a cranky hipster from a hard boiled detective novel.”
He speaks exactly how I think I sound when I’m drunk and talking sass.
May 6, 2009 at 12:51 am
“I mean, this hedgehog is well-established as short-tempered and impatient and has now been asked for his name more than once by someone who already tries that patience… I might consider starting the “hedgehog friend” line with something more like “Seriously.” or just let quills ripple in irritation and move right in with “You worried you’re going to confuse me… etc.” I don’t know if that makes any sense… And it is probably wiser to ignore given the aforementioned punchy as hell mood…”
Part of it was a bit of repetition from there first phone conversation…but upon rereading those “Whats” are closer together than I remembered them being. It might be a little too crowed work ideally. Hmm…I do like at least one being there, I’ll have to try a couple things when I collect the parts into one post.
“Love this piece so far, Valliant. Really.”
Thank you, Sulya. I’m enjoying writing it.
May 6, 2009 at 11:39 am
“Danny sat numbly in his single chair wondering where fuck the Hedgehog and had learned to make coffee.”
While I suspect both “and had learned” and “fuck the Hedgehog” are proof-reading misses, I cracked up at “fuck the Hedgehog”. Any chance that since the hedgehog doesn’t have a proper name, Danny has mentally christened him “Fuck the Hedgehog” and Fuck just hasn’t been capitalized? Heh. F.T. Hedgehog.
There is so much good stuff here AJ, well done.
May 6, 2009 at 11:49 am
“Any chance that since the hedgehog doesn’t have a proper name, Danny has mentally christened him “Fuck the Hedgehog” and Fuck just hasn’t been capitalized? Heh. F.T. Hedgehog.”
IF only I’d been that clever. Nope, that was a big proofreading error, that I very much appreciate you catching. No pushing you into a hot stove tonight!
May 6, 2009 at 8:32 pm
“We’ll see how that holds up through the next few parts. He’s clever, but not without serious fault.”
Wow that so reminds me of someone, I am just trying to remember who….