BEATS ENTROPY READERSHIP QUIZ
August 29, 2007
1. Would it be advisable (considered as a whole, or in it’s constituent parts) to “Fuck with” the WU-Tang clan?
Bonus: What style would they likely use in any retaliation?
2. In person A.J. Valliant is:
- a. Larger than he appears in photos
- b. Almost disquietingly polite
- c. Deadly poisonous and covered with thorns
- d. Inside your house right now
*
3. Finish this line:
They gonna burn you down Tex ——–
*
4. If a Massage Pony and Hitler’s Ghost had a race around the world (assuming the fastest means of transport available was a second hand Zeppelin) starting in Zurich, which would win?
*
5. When assessing esoteric worth what is ideal base measurement to weigh against.
Note: What is the name of the supercomputer we use to rank things.
*
6. If you had to acquire one of the following which would it be:
A: Thick full moustache the color of rich mahogany
B: Rocket fists of questionable reattachabilty
C: A huge crow that followed you around giving you props, but often borrowed you best jacket without asking.
D: Three hours alone with Gore Vidal…no questions asked.
*
7. True or False: If you ain’t lying, you ain’t trying.
*
8: What appears on the Kamchatkan Flag? What does it Signify?
Bonus: Sing the National anthem.
*
9: Go ahead, take swing at me…if you think your so big!
*
10: Was that out of line:
A: Yes, clearly.
B: Get some help, Valliant.
C: No, you’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
D: What, you think I won’t do it?
*
11: If you were choking a guy (I mean squeezing his neck, hard enough blood vessels were bursting in his eyes) and you realized your cat’s bowl was empty, would your feed your cat…knowing that, that feeding would make your cat complicate in the murder of an innocent man?
*
12: Who would win in a street fight: Burnt Sienna, or Moulin Rouge.
*
13: Which of my literary fixations is most disturbing
- My obese cat
- Toast
- Centaurs
- Romantic self defeat ending in tragedy
*
15: How many Letter days have there been?
Bonus: How many actual letters have we received
*
14: What is the worst country in the world. Why?
*
15: What is your fathers maiden name? Can you take him in a fair fight?
*
16: Ty Cobb once pistol whipped a man to death for giving him sass. This actually happened. Really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
All tests will be graded and the most correct one will win a mystery prize.
August 29, 2007 at 3:40 pm
1. Would it be advisable (considered as a whole, or in it’s constituent parts) to “Fuck with” the WU-Tang clan?
Bonus: What style would they likely use in any retaliation?
…pass (it feels like uni already)
2. In person A.J. Valliant is:
b. Almost disquietingly polite (but i feel confident its an act)
3. Finish this line:
They gonna burn you down Tex ——– as Ranger style (like Walker)
4. If a Massage Pony and Hitler’s Ghost had a race around the world (assuming the fastest means of transport available was a second hand Zeppelin) starting in Zurich, which would win?
Hitler’s Ghost - he’d have the income of six million jews at his disposal :(
5. When assessing esoteric worth what is ideal base measurement to weigh against.
Note: What is the name of the supercomputer we use to rank things.
Base measurement = a piece of toast…though it’s debatable?
Supercomputer = somethingotronomaticorother
6. If you had to acquire one of the following which would it be:
B: Rocket fists of questionable reattachabilty (loss of dexterity is worth the AWESOME FIRE POWER)
7. True or False: If you ain’t lying, you ain’t trying.
* False…or am i lying?
8: What appears on the Kamchatkan Flag? What does it Signify?
Bonus: Sing the National anthem.
* …pass/gimme your number and we’ll discuss it over drinks (even more like Uni)
9: Go ahead, take swing at me…if you think your so big!
* …I took a swing at your mum last night, she thought I was plenty big.
10: Was that out of line:
D: What, you think I won’t do it?
*
11: If you were choking a guy (I mean squeezing his neck, hard enough blood vessels were bursting in his eyes) and you realized your cat’s bowl was empty, would your feed your cat…knowing that, that feeding would make your cat complicate in the murder of an innocent man?
* I would do it for the very purpose of implicating the cat.
12: Who would win in a street fight: Burnt Sienna, or Moulin Rouge.
*Moulin Rouge (assuming you mean the cast…Nicole Kidman is hardcore, plus they had a midget and were all hopped up on absynthe)
13: Which of my literary fixations is most disturbing
Toast ..because your infatuation clearly blinds you to the reality of the situation. it’s unhealthy, doll.
*
15: How many Letter days have there been? 471924689123 …no wait, those were my lols :P
Bonus: How many actual letters have we received
*received or posted? this is a trick question. who are you working for? regardless, the answer is 0 as this entire world of yours is fabricated.
14: What is the worst country in the world. Why?
*Korea…Kim Jong-il breaks hearts and eats charity bunnies (plus kimche tastes like undercooked ass)
15: What is your fathers maiden name? Can you take him in a fair fight?
* Bowie …and no. :(
16: Ty Cobb once pistol whipped a man to death for giving him sass. This actually happened. Really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
So does your face.
August 29, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Alright lets grade this up.
*assesses answers for style and correctness*
B-Fat gets 14 points.
Specific clarifications:
“gimme your number and we’ll discuss it over drinks”
613-322-8282, though I’m likely getting new phone soon once old rusty is finally betrayed by it’s hot tub corroded innards.
August 30, 2007 at 12:16 am
That was so funny when you reached into your trunks and pulled out your cellphone.
August 30, 2007 at 1:29 am
So basically…you just had to answer to get a point, and that is soooo tempting (the number, not the homoerotica, though that has its merit too)
*takes a gander at her non existent long distance plan*
…foiled. I’ll get you next time gadget.
August 31, 2007 at 12:27 am
1. No; anything at hand
2. b: cuz he’s Canadian
3. like a kerosene women caught cheatin’ on the sun
4. The massage pony, because it’s a much more fun phrase to say.
5. Arbitron 6500
6. b: Go Transformers, go!
7. ummmm…..True!
8. A bee as large as a bear!
9. ok
10. C.
11. huh?
12. Burnt Sienna. Cheaters never win, Moulin Rouge, cheaters never win.
13. Your obese cat’s romatic centaur defeat ending with toast.
14. Um, don’t all the days have letters in them?
15.Yeah, I don’t know. I’m tired now.
16. My dad killed himself when I was a little girl, so I’m thinking… HELL YEAH! Bring it on, dead daddy!
17: I don’t think there’s a 17. my brain hurts. I am tired and I want to go home now please.
August 31, 2007 at 8:53 am
And bagel with a very solid score of 19 points.
Lost a bit of steam at the end, but showed tremendous site specific knowladge.
Special mention:
” The massage pony, because it’s a much more fun phrase to say.”
And the massages…like falling down the stairs of glue factory run by angels.
August 31, 2007 at 11:18 am
My answers have gotten away from me, and so I must link them externally:
http://notmikesince91.livejournal.com/20314.html
August 31, 2007 at 11:23 am
You link teasing son of a bitch….the link shows nothing! Nothing!
August 31, 2007 at 11:41 am
Works for me. I suspect you’ve been trying to open the link on your toaster oven again.
Can you get any LiveJournals to come up?
August 31, 2007 at 11:59 am
1. Would it be advisable (considered as a whole, or in it’s constituent parts) to “Fuck with” the WU-Tang clan?
Bonus: What style would they likely use in any retaliation?
– while it would not be advisable from a survivalist perspective, seen as a Nietzschean experiment in potential self-destruction, I think it’s *all* sorts of advisable.
– and I think they would likely challenge me to step up to a mic, then use said mic to pummel my skeleton into jelly?
2. In person A.J. Valliant is:
* a. Larger than he appears in photos
* b. Almost disquietingly polite
* c. Deadly poisonous and covered with thorns
* d. Inside your house right now
– all of the above. don’t think I don’t *know.*
3. Finish this line:
They gonna burn you down Tex ——–
- like a kerosene woman caught cheating on the Sun.
4. If a Massage Pony and Hitler’s Ghost had a race around the world (assuming the fastest means of transport available was a second hand Zeppelin) starting in Zurich, which would win?
– obviously Hitler’s ghost. Massage ponies are terrified of dying in Zeppelin crashes, because of the section in the Massage Pony Bible that warns it will be the fate of all bad ponies.
5. When assessing esoteric worth what is ideal base measurement to weigh against.
– ummmm…..I am?
6. If you had to acquire one of the following which would it be:
A: Thick full moustache the color of rich mahogany
B: Rocket fists of questionable reattachabilty
C: A huge crow that followed you around giving you props, but often borrowed you best jacket without asking.
D: Three hours alone with Gore Vidal…no questions asked.
– The rocket fists. Especially if they also have pinching ability.
7. True or False: If you ain’t lying, you ain’t trying.
– True. So true. So sad.
8: What appears on the Kamchatkan Flag? What does it Signify?
– a dancing bear pulling a sled full of drunken Russian grandmothers. It signifies the proud enslavement of lesser mammals as a means of transporting the elderly, of course.
9: Go ahead, take swing at me…if you think your so big!
– I have no swings. nor monkey-bars. :(
10: Was that out of line:
A: Yes, clearly.
B: Get some help, Valliant.
C: No, you’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
D: What, you think I won’t do it?
– D
11: If you were choking a guy (I mean squeezing his neck, hard enough blood vessels were bursting in his eyes) and you realized your cat’s bowl was empty, would your feed your cat…knowing that, that feeding would make your cat complicate in the murder of an innocent man?
– the Cat likely told me to do it, and is so already complicit in the crime.
12: Who would win in a street fight: Burnt Sienna, or Moulin Rouge.
– the Rouge always wins.
13: Which of my literary fixations is most disturbing
1. My obese cat
2. Toast
3. Centaurs
4. Romantic self defeat ending in tragedy
– Those are nothing compared to the others.
14: What is the worst country in the world. Why?
– the U.S. ….because you shouldn’t be allowed to combine harsh militaristic policies with KFC all-you-can-eat buffets. it’s just not right.
15: What is your fathers maiden name? Can you take him in a fair fight?
– How’d you know he used to be a woman? And yes, if I manage to tip him over.
16: Ty Cobb once pistol whipped a man to death for giving him sass. This actually happened. Really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
– yes. I need to get me a pistol.
August 31, 2007 at 12:57 pm
CLEARLY…some people had more warning than others. How long have you nobs been cramming for? HOW LONG?! Forget it, I’ll own all your asses on the practical.
August 31, 2007 at 1:19 pm
“Can you get any LiveJournals to come up?”
It comes up, but it is blank.
August 31, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Oh, about a decade in linear time, I imagine.
August 31, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Aj, NotMike: The link works for me.
AJ: Stop clicking the mouse buttons with your butt. It’ll stop being funny any day now. Quit while you’re ahead.
August 31, 2007 at 1:33 pm
And Untao gets an astounding 22 points.
In fairness though I used to make her play AJ triva all the time, and judge how much she loved me by how accurate her responces were.
August 31, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Just for you, A.J., a static copy (probably only temporary):
http://bombshelter.ca/~notmike/be_quiz_ans.html
August 31, 2007 at 2:52 pm
And Notmike with a near perfect 27 points.
Second only to private entry sent in by Mark Waitley…who declined any prize since someone probably needs it more the he does.
August 31, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I swear, that bastard’s evil! WHY WON’T ANYONE BELIEVE ME!!
September 3, 2007 at 5:16 pm
5. When assessing esoteric worth what is ideal base measurement to weigh against.
Toast dammit! How does nobody know that the ideal against which all esoteric measurements are contrasted in the perfection that is eating a delicious piece of TOAST!
and you call yourselves fans…
September 4, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Technically, we’ve only identified ourselves as readers…
September 4, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Hey, can I have some of what you’re smoking?
I’m on my way to getting inebriated which means it’ll take me awhile to digest this to even make a fatuous attempt…see I lost my thought.
September 4, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Hey, does a pop tart count as toast? I mean, if I put it the toaster, would it be considered a sort of toast?
September 4, 2007 at 11:52 pm
“Hey, does a pop tart count as toast?”
A pop tart is pastry of questionable repute and breeding. I wouldn’t let one testify on my behalf, even if said testimony would save me from the electric chair. They are in no way Toast!
September 5, 2007 at 12:11 am
You have heard the toast song right?
September 5, 2007 at 12:28 am
1. Would it be advisable (considered as a whole, or in it’s constituent parts) to “Fuck with” the WU-Tang clan?
Only if you got some California Love.
Bonus: What style would they likely use in any retaliation?
“Shaolin style” - duh! What else?
2. In person A.J. Valliant is:
c. Deadly poisonous and covered with thorns
He’s hung like a Jesus wildly swinging headfirst into a pile of Jimson weed.
3. Finish this line:
They gonna burn you down Tex ——– “and there ain’t Dick you can do about it…”
4. If a Massage Pony and Hitler’s Ghost had a race around the world (assuming the fastest means of transport available was a second hand Zeppelin) starting in Zurich, which would win?
The perseverance of evil rages on like a perpetual jailhouse pounding in freshly baited ass, there’s only enough lube to go around before the pony starts to roll over and squeak.
5. When assessing esoteric worth what is ideal base measurement to weigh against.
Well you’re only as good as your last blow job, so..
Note: What is the name of the supercomputer we use to rank things.
Ego.
6. If you had to acquire one of the following which would it be:
B: Rocket fists of questionable reattachabilty (loss of dexterity is worth the AWESOME FIRE POWER)
7. False - honesty is the best policy but I think I’m lying to myself.
8: What appears on the Kamchatkan Flag? What does it Signify?
I’m thinking this is some Canadian Inuit shit and the theme song has the words Get The Fuck Out of My Town in it…as for what’s on the flag who cares they’re fucking Inuits.
9: I took a swing at this question, and was so deeply offended by the misplaced possessive that my sensibilities will not allow me to swing any further.
10: Was that out of line:
A: Yes, clearly!
11: If you were choking a guy (I mean squeezing his neck, hard enough blood vessels were bursting in his eyes) and you realized your cat’s bowl was empty, would your feed your cat…knowing that, that feeding would make your cat complicate in the murder of an innocent man?
* Fuck no, I didn’t feed the bitch today when I was sittin’ on my ass….surely you jest?
12: Who would win in a street fight: Burnt Sienna, or Moulin Rouge.
What kind of fucking question is this? The choice is obvious.
13: Which of my literary fixations is most disturbing
Your myspace page. It’s appalling because you haven’t added me as a friend.
15: How many Letter days have there been? Letter is an ugly word: beer pong, pizza infused vomitus, and drunken college poontang. My brain has shut down.
Bonus: How many actual letters have we received
You mean how much beer pong, pizza infused vomitus, and drunken college poontang you’ve obtained through your notoriety?
14: What is the worst country in the world. Why?
Fucking Canada, man. Socialized medicine (LAUGH), and you take our pussy deserters. Look at your taxes too. Plus aren’t your polar bears eating each other? The one redeeming quality of Pamela Anderson - she left.
15: What is your fathers maiden name? Can you take him in a fair fight?
Daniels and he can’t do jack in a street fight.
16: Ty Cobb once pistol whipped a man to death for giving him sass. This actually happened. Really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
Probably some poor fool who was stupid enough to answer question number 14.
September 5, 2007 at 12:30 am
OH yeah - I flubbed number six.
September 5, 2007 at 12:31 am
What is the toast song, Max?
September 5, 2007 at 12:47 am
Oh shit, it just occurred to me that I could possibly lose points for that Canadian remark, huh?
September 5, 2007 at 3:42 am
It is a really funny song titled “I Love Toast.” I do not want to be an upstart and post a link in comments but if you search YouTube for the toast song it will come right up.
September 5, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Damn you AJ, did you tally up my score yet? I spent a good portion of my alcoholic splendor on this…Hurry up, or you’re gonna be toast!
Post link, Max, post link!
September 5, 2007 at 7:11 pm
The toast song will be my next blog post.
September 10, 2007 at 10:14 pm
This must be some crisis AJ’s going through!