At large and delicious
July 9, 2007
I bought a pie a couple months ago. Cherry. I’m not really a dessert guy, but this particular pie spoke to me…for whatever reason. [1] “AJ” the pie said “you could use a little pie. What say you bring me home.” So I bought it with every intention of eating it that night… two months hence the pie still sits atop my fridge.
So far as I can tell[2] it’s remained remarkably preserved. Whatever fruity animus allowed it to reach me in the first place has somehow staved off mold and desiccation. The only visible sign of disrepair is a narrow crack bisecting its two halves (caused, I assume, by the release of disappointment over my failure to consume it in a timely fashion). I have no concrete grounds under which I would be justified in casting a dessert down the garbage shoot into Pieblivion[3]. Yet I am not hungry, so the pie it waits…judging me always.
[1]It didn’t say this verbally, of course. The exchange was largely implied by its piely demeanor and the context supplied by previous dealings with baked goods.
[2] The pie is contained within a decorative Farmers Market box with a clear plastic top. Were I to open the box for a better look (with no real intention of consumption) I would be violating all tenets of Pie/Purchaser covenant.
[3] I take a perverse satisfaction at introducing words like this into my spell checker. The system’s all like:
MS Word: That ain’t a word chief
And AJ’s (all like): It is now suckah. (hits add to dictionary)
Then MS Word’s (like): Nigga, that was cold blooded.
July 9, 2007 at 10:39 pm
When I was about 9 I found this dead bird in my back yard.
I went outside every morning to see what changes it had been through during the night.
Your pie watching reminds me of that.
amm
July 9, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Your footnotes amuse me. I’m going to collect them, remove all context, and make a scrapbook.
Also, would you say your spell check is being “pious” ?
July 9, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Eating cherry pie without ice cream violates five tenets of the Geneva Convention.
July 10, 2007 at 8:59 am
“Eating cherry pie without ice cream violates five tenets of the Geneva Convention.”
Huh? Really? I always thought it was without ‘consent’ that got you into trouble…
July 10, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I think you are talking about a different kind of “cherry pie.”
Jeez.
July 10, 2007 at 3:07 pm
OOooohhh…
wait what?
You lost me.
=)
July 10, 2007 at 3:55 pm
I do not believe that for a second you are way too smart for me to lose you.
July 10, 2007 at 4:56 pm
*bats eyelashes*
what? me? huh?
=)
July 10, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Yes you Mr. Etymology of Words Guy.
[Did I spell that right?]
July 11, 2007 at 10:20 am
I don’t understand how your MS Word is so much cooler than my MS Word.
July 11, 2007 at 10:48 am
lol.. footnote 3
July 13, 2007 at 10:59 pm
I don’t believe for one minute this story is literally about a pie. Gee people — wake up and smell the cherries!
July 13, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Then again, AJ might not either.
Signed,
Dr Freud. Stiletto Freud. This was brought to you. Free of charge.
July 14, 2007 at 1:41 pm
“I don’t believe for one minute this story is literally about a pie. Gee people — wake up and smell the cherries!”
What I can’t work out, is why he would store a woman on top of his fridge.
July 16, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Re: footnote 3
I thought I was the only one who anthropomorphized technology. Because I have this coffee maker that is SUCH a snotty little bitch…
July 18, 2007 at 2:58 pm
“What I can’t work out, is why he would store a woman on top of his fridge.”
Easy. You can turn her over and carry her like a six pack.
July 18, 2007 at 3:27 pm
You so did not say that.
July 18, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Of course I didn’t. The devil…well, you know how it goes.
July 19, 2007 at 2:42 am
That is what happens when you leave a cat alone with a keyboard. Bad Pumpkin. Bad.
July 25, 2007 at 12:08 am
My pussy is full of tricks.
July 25, 2007 at 3:59 am
Wow that is not even veiled sex talk that is flat out blatant.
July 25, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Sometimes alcohol happens.