Beats Entropy

(Well, I’m sad to mention when we last we saw ‘em Tex and Seamus had been brought about as low as feller can get, brought. Seems all his skills at horse fightin’, wife stealin’, and trash talkin’, translated remarkable poor towards litigatin’. As such him, and Seamus by proxy, were found guilty and sentenced to hang in record time. I won’t bother to recount the sad night they spent in lock up, all Seamus’s blubbering was fit to turn your stomach, so we’ll just start right up at the morning of their hanging when the fellers were walking up to the gallows)

They had ol’ tex shackled down heavy enough they had pull to him in a cart; Seamus was tied up with bailing twine and mornin’ dew, and he still screamed fit to beat Jesus.

“Oh I knewed we shouldn’ta fought that horse. Magic horse’s is bad mojo somethin’ fierce.”

Tex spewed a well aimed loogie through two links and drawled laconically as his well chain torso would allow “I imagine this hangings more due to us burning down the governors house up in Freemont.” Tex pondered a moment “Or, speaking cursewise, could’a been them twenty gypsies we robbed, then forced to stage a song and dance play bout how we just robbed em’”.

Seamus grinned half heartedly “They sang so pretty…though the dancing were a little by the numbers for my tastes”.

“Yeah gypsies can’t dance for shit. All flash and no storytelling.” Tex looked up at the steep hill ahead, then shot a contemptuous glare aftwards at the deputies pushing his chain laden wagon. “Put your backs into it ladies; I’m due to hang at dawn and I ain’t never been late for no execution.”

 

 

 

Merl the ham fisted deputy, and the Marshall what brought him in walked Tex and Seamus up the steps. Judge Hiram looked on like the grim old buzzard he was. The crowd screamed and chattered like seagulls fighting over garbage.

“They gonna burn you down Tex. Burn you down like a kerosene women caught cheatin’ on the sun” proclaimed fat father of two, his chubby brats starring awe at disreputable duo. Tex hardly spared them a glance.

A bug eyed fellow in too short pants clamored “Hey Seamus, I hope you like the Dutch…cause hell’s full of them and you’re on you way there”

Seamus brightened up a tad, he actually sort of liked Dutch folk…soulless monsters though they be; their wooden shoes brought to mind the tree wife he’d carved one summer.

““You were’t confightulatin’ now what fer scrappin’s dun… kill yer’s ya scums” guttered a toothless tavern drunk.

 

Tex shot the soak a look of purely disgusted incredulity “Son, even by the rather lax standards of the western patois…that were damned near a criminal mangling of talk’n English like.”

 

The man hanged his head dejectedly “I ain’t weren’t never giv’d no educautorial lessemajigs”

 

The wagon rolled on.

 

 

 

A dozen stout men hauled Tex and Seamus up the steps and looped a noose about their necks. Tex had lost the better part of his irons, but were still fustigated ropewise plenty.

 

A painter of some local renown steeped out in front of the gallows and called to Tex

“Lemme get a look at them coward eyes corspie, I want to be sure and memorialize your comeuppance. I think I brung a might too much paint; a brown smear cross the canvas should sum you up, pretty near. “ Tex gave him a look of deep remembrance.

 

“You got any last words Barstow” Asked the cold blooded Judge, standing just down from platform.

 

“Yeah, I reckon I do.” The crowd hushed and shuffled close to catch the partially reviled gunslingers last words “ I done pretty much every awful thing what a feller can do, and few awful things what a feller can’t. I killed mah daddy, set fire to a church full of orphans, stole a hat from a retard; hell I broke a bottle in that painters face just now while I was talking” The crowd whirled to face the painter who surely was more bottle than face all the sudden.

 

“Damndest thing I ever saw”, mummered the judge, who’d tied Tex’s bonds personal like and never taken an eye off him.

“Point being” said Tex, giving a sly wink to the astonished judge “I always done what I wanted, how I wanted, to who I wanted… so I got ain’t got no regrets. I figure I ought to be hung on general principle, just fer having such a good time of it. Fairly speaking that is. “

Well I declare, the crowd went awful quiet and there wasn’t a man present that didn’t flash a few times over some of his smaller moments. One tall hunched up stocky gentlemen ,in a trench coat and hat, were so moved he snorted and dabbed at his eyes. Merl cinched up the rope tight on Seamus and Tex. A lay preacher mumbled half a litany then hustled down front for a good view.

 

 

 

Seamus hunched his scrawny shoulders up tight and rasped out a sorry whisper “What if it ain’t quick, Tex”

Tex gave Seamus a look that on another man could have been mistaken for sympathy “I’ll try and kick your head in on the way down, Seamus. I been meaning to do it for a while now anyways.” Seamus took it for what it was.

 

The deputy reached for the lever and began to pull… the rush and flutter of a huge trench coat being thrown off stilled his hand. Quick as a mustang viper the stealthy horse sprung up and leapt on the judge, his oddly dexterous hooves holding a fat bowie knife flat against the captive justices throat. The deputy reached for his pistol, then stopped once he realized ol’ Bowlegweemiss weren’t fooling.

“I thought you said Horses hate knives, Tex?” muttered the pleased but puzzled Seamus.

“And he surely does” marveled Tex “Just look at they way he’s holding that thing; makes him sick to touch it…just to bust us out. Manificent sumbitch.”

The quick tempered Equine motioned for the Marshall to unstring Tex and Seamus; fearing for the judges life the lawman complied without back talk. One quick slash freed Tex’s hands. One quick flash of knuckles sent the suddenly sonambulent deputy crashing head first off the gallows. Throwing Seamus over the rump like sack of spoiled potatoes, Tex leapt up onto the surprisingly accommodating Bowlegweemiss’s back and raced clear out of town.

 

(an epilogue of some sort to follow, just to lay the last bits to rest)

1. Enter Bolegwemiss
2. We’s a fightin’
3. The Hangin’ Judge
4. The Aformentioned Hanging Judge
5.  Epilouge